The pearl like sheen upon her upturned wrist caught his eye with a violence that still seemed to rage. The line was thin, diagonal. Christopher pulled his gaze upward, a surprise wholly unwarranted running through his mind. There should be no shock, he thought, not at something like this. Not from her. Despite the clear and even logic she was employing with him now amidst the sterility of ever present antiseptic scents he had seen the guilt and horror pouring out of her in the quiet glow from a fireplace. What was it about this space, he asked her, that enabled her to retain footing?
Susan pulled the shirt sleeve back over the scar and replied: It isn’t this space that’s done it.
Then what has?
Your desperation. Your hurt. Your compassion. But that’s not what I want to speak of right now, she said with a smile. I want to speak of what you will do with your life now that you have it again.
He turned the thought around in his mind several times. How could he tell her this little respite changed nothing at all? That his desire for life without his family, regardless of how miserable he could make things for himself, had left him? He no longer cared about suffering with those memories, but only a physical suffering that could surpass all he had already endured. And then, he hoped, there would be only a final act. An encore performance which no one but the deceased saints and sinners would witness. Yes, he realized, he wanted an end to the pain and so told her as much.
She nodded and asked if he would be willing to listen for just a bit longer, to which he could only reply he could hardly escape at the current moment in time. A small smile pulled at her lips, a breath of sad sunshine, before she leaned back in her chair and continued.
No matter where we are in life, how alone we might feel, there is someone out there to mourn for our loss. I know you don’t think so, Christopher, and I admit I know the little of me you’ve shared, but it is indeed true. I, having just met you, would mourn you. I daresay other relations have mourned you since you first disappeared after your family was killed. But, we can not live for anyone other than ourselves, can we? No… of course we can not, nor would I ask you such a thing.
What I ask of you, is to merely give yourself time. Give yourself a chance at life for the first time since your family was killed. Do you think you can do that?
Be sure to come back on Thursday for a continuation of the series!
The last episode will air on March 18th with a special announcement at the conclusion.